My Daughter Wants To Freeze My Head, My Husband Wants To ______, and I Just Want To Be Crafty

Any given evening, you may hear a full-on cynical but always-in-jest joke and/or occasional flatulence sound escaping from a couch cushion. You may also hear the waffle iron sizzling or a battery-operated toy truck running constant against a wall. Don’t forget the blaring assault of television commercials or that familiar tweet sound from those smart devices attached to our palms.

But sometimes, an important and serious issue will come about (in this instance probably three times now) that just rocks me. My daughter wants to freeze my head when I die! Actually, she wants to freeze all of our heads when we die…as in, cryogenically.

She wants all of us to be together forever and I think it’s very sweet, in a morbid kind of way. We researched it once before online and found there are only a few sites equipped to do such a thing at a cost of about $30k per head. My daughter states that is do-able as she will be rich when she is old. We asked her why would she want to do such a thing and what about spouses and children and grandchildren and what about our bodies and what does it all mean and why and how and when and, and…

“I just want us all to be together,” she claims.

“Even Sean?” (her brother who is two years younger and quite annoying) we inquire.

“Yes,” she responds.

Then we all just laugh and laugh and laugh.

As this discussion has ended, I get up to go to the kitchen, and my ass is greeted with a firm smack accompanied by a sly smile from my husband. And so you know what that means. But, anyways…

I hear them talking and laughing some more and I walk back in the room and my husband says guiltily that they shouldn’t talk about it anymore, it’s not very nice. And I ask what is it. And he chuckles and says it’s nothing. But I ask again and he simply states that he just doesn’t understand why I’m hoarding “those canisters.”

“Those canisters” are for a project I want to do. I have collected about 25-30 Gerber baby snacks cans over the past year. You know them. They are short and round and covered in yellow. I have them all in a trash bag in the garage now. But, the baby must’ve gotten some new ones because I am finding them all over the house…under my bed, mixed in with his toys, in the pantry. My husband complains that when he opens the pantry to get his lunchbox every morning that they fall on his feet. He also complained that they stink.

“But I wash them before I use them for my craft projects!” I retort defensively.

“Oh? Well, what have you made?” he questions me with his beady little eyes and toothy grin.

“Well, I made some holders for our daughter to store her makeup and brushes and stuff,” I offer.

“And what else?” he chides.

“Well, nothing yet. I have to buy some materials but I don’t want to spend the money,” says I.

“Well, maybe you could build a robot with them,” he shares, mockingly.

And then we all just burst with laughter at the whole ridiculous conversation and stupidity of my hoarding ways and the audacity of me building the body electric.

Such is the current status of our life as a family. Maybe I can build a robot to accompany our frozen heads. Maybe my husband will get lucky. But, anyways…

We can laugh and we can love with the best of them and we often wonder if other families are like ours. My daughter says no but I’m going to say yes, maybe with less gaseous fumes, though. That part, I kind of envy.

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One of These Days I’ll Pick a Theme and Stick With It But Right Now I Have To Check Out the Neighbors Fighting

I know that my indecisiveness is due to perfectionism, but seriously, I can’t stop playing with the themes that WordPress offers (and by that, I mean the free ones because I’m also hideously frugal). I also can’t figure out my darn profile name…changed three times by now…watch it be 370 times by the end of the year. It all may just be a distraction until I figure out my next writing subject.

So anyways, my mind raced all day yesterday of what I’d like to focus on writing this year…like, during my morning walk as I pushed the stroller I thought of writing about my goals as a mom/wife. (I’m sure there’s hundreds of bloggers doing that shit!) During my incline push-ups against the kitchen while waiting for the cinnamon rolls to finish baking, I thought of writing about my struggles to get a consistent workout done despite a demanding and very vocal toddler. (Isn’t that overkill by now?) Or even, during a sprint past the television to retrieve a clean diaper to change a stinky diaper, I heard some guy encouraging Al Roker and Natalie to pick a word for 2014 that would change their lives for the better. (Hhhhhmmm…that kinda sounds like a good idea!)

Later that night, I had a tossing-n-turning fit in the bed sheets trying to banish a scary movie out of my mind watched earlier that evening with the big kids. All I could think about was the face of the creepy monster-lady staring back at me with her maniacal grin. I tried to hum a nursery rhyme tune in my head but that made it even worse. I switched to my left side and covered my feet with the blanket and dared close my peepers. It took me a long while. Then I saw it. I saw it as I stared at the back of my eyelids…

CALM.

It was the letters that spelled “calm.” They were floating in the shallow water of the ocean along the shore, a very bright and sunny day, perfect were the colors of the water and the sand. The letters shimmered and flowed along with the ripple of the waves they were riding. My-oh-my my mind makes pretty pictures!

It must’ve helped me because I slept a peaceful sleep and awoke this morning trying to search for the image on Pinterest (yes…my go-to for all things pictures, crafts and DIY projects), not finding anything close enough. That’s quite alright. I’ve seen the image many times this morning already, closing my eyes every time the baby kicked me in the face while drinking his milk, or showing me he needed a diaper change, or heating up my coffee in the microwave for the third time. Or even hearing the neighbors, two adult sisters they are, fighting over some attitude adjustment needing to be made. (I know this because I peeked out my bedroom window and saw them in the driveway arguing in their Christmas pajamas). I listened for a good five minutes and I watched for a good two minutes, wondering if a slap or a punch would occur. Wondering if they noticed my peeping ways, wondering if they could use my word…CALM.

Along with my many resolutions for this year, I’ve also picked up a new theme for myself, a mindful one, to keep the nagging monsters and baby habits and outside nuisances to a minimum. I’m going to choose to be calm, I’m going to consciously do it rather than just hope it is so or waiting for it to be.

Yep…I got this…I can do calm.

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I Will Try to Finish This Before Noon or Before My Bladder Explodes

Last day of the year and I woke up in a good mood. I think it was because I had an attitude adjustment last night, some bed-time fun, a good dinner, got to watch my shows and even play on the Twitta and crush some candy.

As I read this while writing, I laugh at how easy my life is and how good it can be. It’s a good deep happy laugh that’s full of emotion. Accompanying me this morning is a toddler snacking on his cereal…I can hear his crunch-crunching as the music on his DS is on repeat…almost like a bad rave session. I look over and he’s feeding Wolfie, his fave stuffed animal. “So cute!” my brain says. Such a good morning…I hope this day continues along this way. (I should wake up the teenagers…errrr)

I’ll be off shortly to the grocery store to do some shopping for tonight’s New Year’s feast…beef and chicken sliders, homemade pasta salad with a twist and box brownies with vanilla ice cream because I like it. Easy, again…like that’s my groove, yeah…

I re-read my resolution from yesterday like I told myself to and it made me remember what is important. Today will mark twenty-two years since I met the hub, at a Guns n’ Roses concert through mutual friends. I was only 15. Boy, is that young and how I have to laugh at that. Finding a true friend in life, hoping my same-aged daughter now keeps her innocence a bit longer than we did…”take it easy…easy” my brain calms me.

I still have to shower and make a list AND get the baby dressed. “And don’t forget to use the facilities,” my bladder reminds me.

The point, finally, is that today is a good day. I’ll continue to make it a good one. “Yes!” my brain exclaims.

Oh, My! I Haven’t Written in Awhile or Been Very Nice

It always shocks me to see the last time I wrote something since it really just felt like it was the other day. I can blame it on the busy days, I can blame it on my laziness, but heck, really I just don’t get epiphanies to write everyday like I wish!

Last night, probably 1:30am or thereabouts, as I lay on my couch cradling the baby to sleep AGAIN, my mind raced with the goings-on between myself and the hub these last few weeks. It’s such a struggle to think how mean I have been to him out of frustration, sadness, loathing of too many years gone by and not feeling worthy. Worthy in the sense that I feel very much left out of his thoughts and actions, blaming his selfishness for want of football and hockey watching, for his clicking incessant on the keyboard for another sweepstakes entry, all the time he spends perusing car magazines in the bathroom and latest but not shocking, his not getting me anything for Christmas (year three and counting). Mind you, we’ve been together for over twenty so why should I care, you say…well, I still do, for some odd reason.

Not that I don’t believe that he loves me any less, but I’ve realized that maybe I let him think that I’m alright with minimal attention, watching a TV show in silence, falling asleep twenty minutes into a movie we took thirty minutes to find AND agree upon, not deciding to decide to get me a gift this year.

Everyone, well really just my girlfriends and sisters, always say “you have to tell them, men are dumb.” And it always sends a jolt through my shoulders and makes my throat tense. “But, WHY?!” I always retort. I could laugh and laugh and continue on with this conversation but we all know where it goes.

Main thing I’ve decided, as I most often and always do while going through this writing process, is making a decision to do something or nothing about a situation. As I sit here tapping on the iPhone screen, I think I’ll be nice to him when he gets home from work today. I’ll be engaged in the conversation and not dismiss his work-related story or his latest sweepstakes blurp. I’ll take it one day to the next, plan our future based on what is still to come and let go of the past…finally.

If there ever was a new year’s resolution that needed to be worked on diligently, then this one sure is for the books.

Along with my workout challenges, parenting challenges and overall me-me-me challenges, I will put my marriage to my husband first this year, and respect him and accept him for all that he is.

Note to self: read this everyday so I REMEMBER!!!

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I Got By With A Little Help From My Biitchez

Only day three in my 30-Day Abs/Jumps Challenge and I wanted to give up this morning. Or should I say, last night, whilst lying in bed. Every time I changed position, it felt like I was hauling large freight, like a barge, deadweight in the Mississippi River, slowly trudging along, desperately searching for a tugboat to pull my sorry ass through the murky water. S.O.S. Anyone…anyone?? It didn’t help that the baby decided to wake up at 4:45 a.m. to start his/my day. All I could do was flop on the couch next to him and turn my head left or right whenever I heard his squeak as he ran by to play with a toy or climb or do whatever babies do when Mama is immobile. “If only I had some coffee”…willing the hub to wake up from my mind-reading skills and help me the fuck out!

This is the second 30-days exercise challenge I have started and it is much more intense than the squats. Mind you, the squats were no easy feat, especially when we hit the mid one hundred range. But by 250 squats in one day, the last day, I felt so accomplished and on top of the world that I wanted to twirl around and sing to the mountains and the trees and the ocean. My cohorts in this challenge were pumped, too. We were ready to kick some major ass! With much preparation and research, we decided to embark on this journey of squeezing tummy muscles and bouncing body parts to get our endurance and strength up.

The first day…no problem…we can do this! They were good pains, we were on an adrenaline high. A little bit of a bumpy road for some but Day 1 was completed.

Day 2…still not that bad except some reports of aches in the abs and calves started coming in. This shit is getting REAL! Let’s invite more people to enjoy this torture!

This leads me to today, Day 3.

Can I tell you that the intense stretching I did before and after helped me? Hell, Yes. Can I tell you that the double serving of coffee helped? Oh, Yes. Can I tell you that a snoring toddler halfway hanging off the couch helped me? My nerves say Yes! But the most helpful on this quiet morning was being able to share my feelings of defeatism with the girls that are doing this with me. Going through this with me. An encouraging word. An emoji smile. Words of laughter. Words and smiles and laughter throughout the day as each of us gets one more exercise down, huffing and puffing and sweating and cursing, noses running and legs burning. Mind running with another hundred things that need to get done this day. I’m very proud to know these ladies and very much happy to be on this journey with them. We are all very much different from each other. We come from different places and backgrounds. We have different tastes and interests and passions. However, the friendships have endured and they’ve grown. I appreciate these ladies everyday. I am thankful for my life. And I look forward to tomorrow and the next day and the next 30-days challenge with them.

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The little things in beauty

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