Apologies To My Mother

We knew we were assholes to our parents during our teen years but I must say I was (am) unprepared for my own foray into the upbringing of such miniature adults. I always joked and prided myself in the facts that my kids are well behaved, smart and sweet and would not put me through the horror and heartache of teenaged angst. But…it ain’t no joke. They are completely unmanageable, unrelatable, unreliable, and impossible.

From asking to go to a friend’s house with no further information as to who, what, where, when and why…”like, WHY?”

To wanting a new pair of soccer shoes just because one WANTS a new pair of soccer shoes….”like, WHY NOT?”

To pulling a three-day jam packed marathon of a school project off and telling me the night before the due date that they are still in need of a poster board, markers, paint supplies AND a unicorn!

To signing up to volunteer but NOT wanting to actually volunteer…”I didn’t realize I’d have to do stuff.”

To cleaning one’s room every Friday, now it’s Saturday, and now it’s Sunday and it STILL looks like a landfill. *deer in headlights glare*

To complete ANY task “quickly, quietly and expeditiously” (a quote from my high school English teacher that I only relate to and appreciate nowadays) before I start to say “MOVE FASTER AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHILE DOING IT.”

To questioning my opinions on dropping out of school, the selling-distribution-and-inhaling of pot, minimum wage, career choices, possibly not wanting to attend college, driver’s education, wardrobe choices and overall grooming.

And finally, to why am I so strict? Why do I not trust them? Why am I so mean…why, why, WHY?

They are slowly breaking me down. I have not the energy nor the desire to stick to my guns. I think they sense my fatigue. Times like these, I have to regroup…step back, plan my next three moves, be ready.

Now I know why my mother actually enjoyed going off to work every day…and I mean, every day of the week. She had four teenaged daughters all at the same time. We were sneaky, conniving, mean, thieves, crazy. We knew EVERYTHING. We did NO wrong and we believed we were NEVER wrong even if we KNEW we were DEFINITELY wrong.

So, I am off to strategize, but before I go, I’d like to publicly apologize to my mom after all these years.

Ma,
I am so sorry for all the shit we (I) put you through. For making you cry, for being mean and disrespectful. We (I) knew better than that because of the way you raised us, but we (I) CHOSE to rebel instead because of the selfishness that is within each one of us. Because you were an easy target due to your unconditional love for us. Because you were tired. Because you were one against four. Because of so many things.

I understand you now and I don’t relate much to my teenaged self. Just like I don’t relate much to my teenaged kids. But, I see that one gets through it, we grow up and have our own kids and REVENGE really is the sweetest of things.

Love you always,
Annie

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