Almost Forgetting Oneself…Thank Goodness for Those Teenaged Years

She motioned to me that she wanted to leave
And go somewhere warm, where we’d be alone
I do not know, what’s going on but I’m guessing
It’s an all night thing, yeah, it’s an all night thing

Those lyrics were in my head last night as I was falling asleep. The sweet, smooth, powerful voice of Chris Cornell from Soundgarden and Audioslave fame. This song, All Night Thing, a part of a little known yet awesome album by Temple of the Dogs (a merging of members from both Pearl Jam and Soundgarden) as a tribute to a friend who died so young.

Poetic musings to a jazz beat, starting softly and then belting it out in that rock-grunge fashion, making me feel every emotion of every line sung. Sing it, baby! Wooh!

I’ve always loved that song since the first time I heard it. Funny how things that touched you so like that as a teenager can stay with you even twenty years later. Back then, I’d listen to that album on repeat, actually one of the first CD’s I had ever purchased from that mail order service they used to have…pick 19 CD’s for a penny, or something ridiculously incredibly awesome like that.

I was so fascinated by the lyrics…what did it mean, did this really happen, would this happen to me? It was my teenage fantasy not so dissimilar to that of a fairytale princess waiting for her knight in shining armor. Yet much more mysterious, more forbidden. I had just started dating my first love, you see, so the hormones and reason were pretty much out of control. I would push repeat on that song until I tired of it, letting the CD go on to the next and next, all such good songs, but definitely different tones and moods.

I even took colored pencils to paper once and wrote the lyrics out, drawing a dead tree, a moon, a dark sky. That’s what we did before iPad doodling or searching Tumblr for THE perfect meme to describe your emotions. I still have that piece of artwork and I cherish it and cringe at it, all the same. Let twenty years pass by and you’ll understand why.

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As the days turn from one to the next, you sometimes forget who you were as a young adult finding yourself. You look at people and situations with scorn now. You scrutinize and demean, in an all-knowing megalomaniacal way. You forget to dream because you’re older now.

I listen to this song today and I still get the same feelings I did at sixteen. It haunts me. It moves me. I’m reflective. I wonder. And, that pleases me, it means I’m only partially jaded.

Song Reference: Temple of The Dog, All Night Thing.  A&M Records, 1991.

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