I know that my indecisiveness is due to perfectionism, but seriously, I can’t stop playing with the themes that WordPress offers (and by that, I mean the free ones because I’m also hideously frugal). I also can’t figure out my darn profile name…changed three times by now…watch it be 370 times by the end of the year. It all may just be a distraction until I figure out my next writing subject.
So anyways, my mind raced all day yesterday of what I’d like to focus on writing this year…like, during my morning walk as I pushed the stroller I thought of writing about my goals as a mom/wife. (I’m sure there’s hundreds of bloggers doing that shit!) During my incline push-ups against the kitchen while waiting for the cinnamon rolls to finish baking, I thought of writing about my struggles to get a consistent workout done despite a demanding and very vocal toddler. (Isn’t that overkill by now?) Or even, during a sprint past the television to retrieve a clean diaper to change a stinky diaper, I heard some guy encouraging Al Roker and Natalie to pick a word for 2014 that would change their lives for the better. (Hhhhhmmm…that kinda sounds like a good idea!)
Later that night, I had a tossing-n-turning fit in the bed sheets trying to banish a scary movie out of my mind watched earlier that evening with the big kids. All I could think about was the face of the creepy monster-lady staring back at me with her maniacal grin. I tried to hum a nursery rhyme tune in my head but that made it even worse. I switched to my left side and covered my feet with the blanket and dared close my peepers. It took me a long while. Then I saw it. I saw it as I stared at the back of my eyelids…
It was the letters that spelled “calm.” They were floating in the shallow water of the ocean along the shore, a very bright and sunny day, perfect were the colors of the water and the sand. The letters shimmered and flowed along with the ripple of the waves they were riding. My-oh-my my mind makes pretty pictures!
It must’ve helped me because I slept a peaceful sleep and awoke this morning trying to search for the image on Pinterest (yes…my go-to for all things pictures, crafts and DIY projects), not finding anything close enough. That’s quite alright. I’ve seen the image many times this morning already, closing my eyes every time the baby kicked me in the face while drinking his milk, or showing me he needed a diaper change, or heating up my coffee in the microwave for the third time. Or even hearing the neighbors, two adult sisters they are, fighting over some attitude adjustment needing to be made. (I know this because I peeked out my bedroom window and saw them in the driveway arguing in their Christmas pajamas). I listened for a good five minutes and I watched for a good two minutes, wondering if a slap or a punch would occur. Wondering if they noticed my peeping ways, wondering if they could use my word…CALM.
Along with my many resolutions for this year, I’ve also picked up a new theme for myself, a mindful one, to keep the nagging monsters and baby habits and outside nuisances to a minimum. I’m going to choose to be calm, I’m going to consciously do it rather than just hope it is so or waiting for it to be.
Yep…I got this…I can do calm.